What I am going to Do..

For me this is one of the clearest, most succinct expressions of healthy BOUNDARY setting. In boundary setting my commitment to myself and my own well being comes first.

If I am trying to get YOU to do something different as a reaction to what you are doing to ME, I am actually then violating YOUR boundaries. Yes, it just keeps on getting messier from here…

Example: Your husband is pressuring you to have his sister over for dinner. You don’t want to have his sister over. As he continues to try and influence you, you holler: “Stop putting pressure on me!”

You are now trying to control him. You do not have real power to determine how he acts and therefore this is not clear, effective boundary setting.

What it might look like instead…

“I am not comfortable with you pressuring me. If you continue, I will leave. Being around while your sister is over is difficult for me (you can explain why if you think that it will be helpful) If she comes over, I will be at my friend Sheila’s house and be back when your sister has left. If you will, please text me when she is gone.”