https://elazarbloom.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/engin-akyurt-AjMXxHwxW_k-unsplash-scaled.jpg 1708 2560 Rabbi Elazar Bloom, LMFT https://elazarbloom.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/logo-9-mar.png Rabbi Elazar Bloom, LMFT2021-11-18 18:53:082021-11-18 18:53:18Injury Becomes Identity
Injury Becomes Identity
A child is angrily scolded into submission. Out of fear, he complies, he corrects his behavior, the authority figure is satisfied.
And there is a cost.
“Injury Becomes Identity”
The initial cost is the unseen wound of rejection wrought by the trusted elder’s anger (children inherently initially trust adults). And that cost festers. It festers into the child’s self perception that he is “bad”, unloveable, problematic, defective. it becomes “who he is”.
Suggestion: After you shout or express anger at a child, pick up the pieces, take responsibility for not communicating your feelings and expectations in a more respectful way.
Learn more about the deeper source of the anger (hurt, pain, etc.) so you don’t unnecessarily burden the child with feelings that are yours to own.
The issue (which triggered the anger) can still be addressed, but without a cost that can linger for a lifetime.
We owe this to ourselves and our children.