https://elazarbloom.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/austin-distel-VCFxt2yT1eQ-unsplash-scaled.jpg 1920 2560 Rabbi Elazar Bloom, LMFT https://elazarbloom.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/logo-9-mar.png Rabbi Elazar Bloom, LMFT2021-12-30 19:56:122021-12-30 19:56:12Ghosted
I was recently supposed to do a podcast interview and the host did not show up at the agreed upon time. Shortly thereafter, I emailed to check in and see what was up and for a few days heard no response. During that time, I had no idea what had happened but my fear driven mind told me some pretty painful things.
My darkest thoughts were along the line of: “When did he discover the *truth* that I am not worth an hour of his time”? What (or who) clued him in that I am not important enough?
Yes, fortunately, this was quickly balanced out by other more plausible (and ultimately confirmed) explanations for why he missed the meeting, etc. etc., but my point here is:
When someone “ghosts us”, when they are absent, our thoughts can automatically go to dark places where we begin to question our worth, our value. And if this is true with regard to an adult, in relation to a podcast host who is more a less a stranger…
What might our little (or bigger) children think when we, as parents, are absent in all the many ways that humans can be absent today? When in *that* moment, I seem more interested in my phone than her popsicle stick project. When in *that* moment, I am lost in thought about something that happened in the office earlier or that I need to do later, when he is telling me about a new song he loves.
What does he think (about himself) in my absence? What does she tell herself when ghosted by the person she needs most in her life?
That thought is just about the most potent motivation for presence that I have been fortunate to experience.